Groping and stumbling, the
woman pushed her way into the crowded salon, flashed a look of terror
and exhaustion into the faces of the impeccable 400 gathered there
for the annual arts show of New York's Upper Forties where, indeed,
anything was likely to happen with all these strange though
undoubtedly talented young men and women lounging about with their
odd clothes and cynical mouths and dark eyes behind dark glasses, and
collapsed - yes, she absolutely crumpled into the plush carpet,
although when Dr. Bayard Rogers bent solicitously over her, being the
nearest and quickest to react due to his constant contact with
emergency situations in his influential post as director of a large
downtown hospital, the woman started, though weakly, and gasped -
"Oh, don't!," whereupon, of course, the doctor attempted to
reassure her and discover what was wrong, against the growing murmur
from the assemblage, some haughtily disclaiming the incident as some
kind of publicity affair, some questioning, having missed the brief
yet dramatic entrance of the woman completely, some petulant, some
merely murmuring among themselves and craning to get a better look at
Dr. Rogers who had bent over the strange disheveled figure, only to
start back suddenly with a cry of pain, and even fear, in his voice,
flinging up a hand as if to shield himself and actually stumbling
backwards to his feet, which startled the crowd leaning in over the
pair, so that they gave way slightly as the doctor reeled back and
was caught by an alert bystander, one of the artists, I believe, his
dark glasses knocked off and a sharp look of unquiet on his face
increasing to some concern as the dignity of the older man cracked,
and, covering his eyes with his hand, he began to tremble, crying
hoarsely, "Oh, God, no, no," to the consternation of those
around him who turned to look with him as he seemed to get himself
under control and turned back to the woman, though unconsciously he
retained a tight grip on the artist's sweatered arm, and started anew
as Dr. Rogers and the crowd discovered together that the space where
the woman had fallen was now empty, a peculiar kind of solid
emptiness that kept the crowd at bay and spread the fear from the
doctor's eyes to all those who stood nearby, artist and aristocrat
alike, promoting for a curious moment a kind of democracy of human
fear of the unknown, which was confronting them point blank, for the
moment too glaring to be glossed over with bored explanations or
emotional outbursts and, indeed, the unknown that was to remain with
every one close enough to have even a confused impression of the
events culminating in Dr. Bayard Roger's sudden nervous collapse,
which eventually necessitated his removal to a private sanatarium -
not his own metropolitan hospital's psychiatry ward - where he was
subject to recurring periods of terror in which he would break off
normal activity at the sight of some reminder of that night - and
everything from a bit of red like the red plush carpet or a nurse
with hair escaping untidily from her usually ordered styling could
bring the helpless terror upon him - whereupon he would murmur
incoherently or upon occasion burst out with dark, lyrical
wildernesses of words, phrases, even poetry, which invoked pictures
of compelling horror in the minds of even the most prosaic, tough old
nurses attending him, though as the years passed few but the
uninitiated would attend the strange old man, supposed to be a real
big wig from New York, who would unpredictably be jolted from an
intelligent, quiet, sad old gentleman who would discuss the staff's
affairs and current news with insight and interest shadowed by the
inevitable wistfulness of the enforced idle, to a terrifying madman
whose glowing words lit up the very air around him with a smoky
electrical fire and called up the deepest fears of unnamed evil
personified, watching, dabbling a hand in men's small affairs,
working to dark eternal music in, under, between the bright molecules
of air that protect the normal earth and cushion it against things
too vast, too dark, too full of emptiness to be allowed to touch the
delicate sunny webs of the daily lives and works of men, so that when
he died at 76 few were saddened, unable to separate the remembered
friend from the fear associated with his small frame and the great,
swirling wildernesses of words which came pouring from him until,
like some Egyptian's embalmer's mystic acids, they seemed to drain
him, until he was only a small dry husk, finally seared once too
often and burned out - the image of the flame remaining scorched
against one's eyelids to be glimpsed at odd, lonely moments as a
reminder, a touch from the void.